She was a backpacker on Tinder.

I met my best friend on Tinder. Ian and I had been introduced at Rainbow Youth, where he was hoping to start facilitating and I was recruited to give him the lay of the land as someone who had been facilitating for a little while. A few days after the brief encounter, we matched on Tinder and our friendship bloomed fast and sure – we were two souls connected on a spiritual level, and today, 9 months after that initial meeting, we remain close and even live together.

I met my sister on Tinder. When Ian was telling me about this lovely woman he had met off Tinder, who was finding herself after living all her life in India, I knew I would love Alison before I even met her. Sure enough, a few days later, I found her on Tinder. While her sweet romance found its feet with Ian, her friendship with me took firm hold, and I now love her like the sister I never had.

I met my former lover on Tinder. Campbell and I were together nearly three years, moved in together and adopted Eevee together. In the words of Ari, I’m so thankful for my ex, because he taught me how to compromise, how to cook for two, how to share my life. We may not have been endgame, but he was my life partner for years, and I consider his presence in my life something of a precious lesson. I am grateful.

Grace met her murderer on Tinder. Grace Millane, like me, hopped on the dating app and started talking to someone with the underlying assumption that she was talking to a future friend, a comrade, a lover – it doesn’t matter. She would have trusted that she was uncovering a new connection, the way I have hundreds of times before. Except, unlike me, she wouldn’t have escaped quick enough when things went south, and now she has left behind a family, a future, a life.

Grace is all of us, finding our feet in a new place. She was doing what all young adults do; forging connection and making friends and finding lovers in a world that has evolved into digital matchmaking – and if we don’t discuss the toxic entitlement and inherent issues with safe dating in 2018, we may all turn out like Grace.

If you don’t believe there is a problem, have a look at my gallery of proof.

Let’s talk about why this happened. There is a problem here, and it does not lie with Grace, or Tinder. It lies with the behavior of men that we still don’t hold accountable. I’m sorry, Grace, that it took you losing your future to spur the conversation. We need to talk about why this happened. 


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